I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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