Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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