Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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