I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
