i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
