I am in a vortex of obligation.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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