1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
