I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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