Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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