He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
