Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and you fell through a lawn chair
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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