she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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