Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
