Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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