i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
