I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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