we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
