Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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