It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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