Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
