Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
