what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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