ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
