dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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