She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
