you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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