while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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