your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
