Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
