It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
