he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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