i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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