This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
