I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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