Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
