Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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