aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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