i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
