she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
