he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
