I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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