i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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