no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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