Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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