I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
