Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
