haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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