ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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