garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
