Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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