I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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