Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
