Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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