Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
