Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
