Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
