bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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